EASTER 2016

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started out snowy and ended in sunshine and blooms.

(oh such joy!)

thrift store vintage dress/pincurls/pearls

laughter/color/lots of food/quiet/calm

{ He is risen }

 -

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I LIVE IN A HOLOGRAM WITH YOU

"i don't like it when books or movies are like; 

'she saw things differently from others.'" she said.

but the thing is, 

i think we all do

(see things differently from others).

maybe we're all deep thinkers.

and we approach things from different corners. 

and some catch on naturally to things,

but not so easy to others.

we are red noses and hunched shoulders

with heavy coats and sniffling noses.

'nice day for a walk', he reaches into the bed of the old red pickup.

i smile and call back as i pass; 'not too bad'.

he chuckles. sarcasm.

and we go on our way.

but i meant it. i like the cold.

it makes me feel present.

it makes me feel alive.

a few weeks later and he appears in a doorway.

'how about these nice days we're having?' 

the grin is broad. he squints in the sun.

'they say this is gonna last through the week?' i smile back 

'ohh i sure hope so,' 

 i walk on in my red shoes, but don't necessarily agree.

i see the similarities in things.

she finds and points out the differences.

i type out mini novels,

she sends blurry snaps of boys

and one word texts, one after the other. 

and maybe the beauty of things

is the blessing of finding ones who share the same differences.

or who show us new ones.

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NEW

before i cut my hair;
i set pin-curls one last time,
and used kool-aid to dye a strand of it green
(tucked quietly away against the back of my neck).
it was my birthday,
i wore a dress and new shoes out in the cold, cold wind.
we drive the frozen dirt road
 to a bridge over the interstate,
get out and try to make pictures of the road and the cars,
try not to slip on the ice,
try to not blow away in the wind.

my hair is shorter now
(the soft green now long faded).
the sun shines gold, the wind doesn't blow as cold.
time runs together and rosy days stand out.
music is played and new songs are learned
but the old ones aren't forgotten.

there is so much new
in this new year.
and this girl ran to the new year with open arms,
abandoning the skidding brakes/bittersweet nostalgia.

and i'm loving it.

(p.s. speaking of  'new' and 'changes', i've been spiffing this place up a bit in my spare time, have a look around!)

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mod christmas

bargain sweater dresses
made in modern days
but holding a vintage charm
and a festive air.
a slow, quiet and cold day ,
with more than just snow clouds on the horizon:
rest from busy days,
a chance to slow down
a chance to look around.
a pile of books, 

a neglected fabric stash.

i've unpacked the banjo,

dusted the lonely keyboard

and am diving into a treasure trove of music

with new shoes for new adventures
( merry christmas, hope yours was rad )

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linger on

they were raised down there in some small town.
which wasn't that far away, i guess.
but sometimes it seemed like another world.

p.s.

merry      
        christmas

:)

ode to an october dress

(pattern: simplicity [new look] 0981)

each season and each month is a different color in my mind

and each color a feeling.

october seemed to slip away quietly 

and suddenly i'm here in november

still feeling like it's the beginning of fall

but the wind blows rough

 ripping the vibrant leaves away from their branches.

 i am just now getting around to it

but i made a dress in the ending of september

for all of fall, but mostly october.

and now with this dress (as with others past)

when i see or wear it

it's threads bring to mind the colors and feelings

which bring to mind memories of october 2015.

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say you will remember

the lone leaf surprises me

small and stark

on the dark library floor

how'd it get in here.

red cheeks

red nose

red sweater. 

 sapphire azure sky

so deep

so bright.

soft green

new shoots freshly planted
winter wheat.

it's bright against brown and tan.

callused fingertips on smooth glass
curve of blunt bangs on flat window
sparking flashing setting sun
behind moving gold tree tips
eyes roaming everywhere.

glassy water mimics and mirrors 

the vibrance hugging it's banks.

fall seeps in 

just as quickly
 as it

slides

                                   a w a y. .  .   .    .     .      .       .

 (october
ends
soon)

(i'll miss it)

.

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the blessed truth of knowing I'm free

learning a musical instrument is a never ending roller coaster ride.
mountain tops and crashes, immense joy, exhilaration, crippling self doubt.  
the constant little breakthroughs, tearing downs and dissection of what you thought you knew.

each string holds a different world, each instrument holds an entirely different universe

(and yet they’re woven so tight, holding on to one another in some way.) 

i fell into music on accident.

it’s now one of the main things i do. and that i want to do.  

though i fear that sometimes the joy of practicing is replaced 

by the need and drive that others are better.

we're our own harshest critic, it’s true. 

but i'm learning to watch and hear others and really enjoy it.

not get the blues because i'll never be 'that good'.

let the notes flow through ears into veins 

hit the nerve endings that make the heart beat faster out of love and passion for music.

not stressing, but working.

working hard.
playing because love it, not just to get better.
I'm waking up to the simple fact that
life is nicer and happier, the more I play music in a day.

what a gift.

what a gift God has given, music.

 maybe not an individual gift, maybe not personal talent, 

for i am slow and clumsy and rarely sound how i want.  

but i’m finding that the trick, as with anything, is not stopping.  

not giving up.

it doesn’t matter how slow you go 

how many hours spent struggling over a few measures

as long as the finish line is reached eventually.

and maybe, as with many things in life, we never stop learning.  

there isn’t a definitive finish line...

the little victories are won with each song learned,

but it's always building, always a process.

and loving that process is wonderful.

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