Oct 16, 2015

the blessed truth of knowing I'm free

learning a musical instrument is a never ending roller coaster ride.
mountain tops and crashes, immense joy, exhilaration, crippling self doubt.  
the constant little breakthroughs, tearing downs and dissection of what you thought you knew.
each string holds a different world, each instrument holds an entirely different universe
(and yet they’re woven so tight, holding on to one another in some way.) 

i fell into music on accident.
it’s now one of the main things i do. and that i want to do.  
though i fear that sometimes the joy of practicing is replaced 
by the need and drive that others are better.

we're our own harshest critic, it’s true. 
but i'm learning to watch and hear others and really enjoy it.
not get the blues because i'll never be 'that good'.
let the notes flow through ears into veins 
hit the nerve endings that make the heart beat faster out of love and passion for music.
not stressing, but working.
working hard.
playing because love it, not just to get better.
I'm waking up to the simple fact that
life is nicer and happier, the more I play music in a day.

what a gift.
what a gift God has given, music.
 maybe not an individual gift, maybe not personal talent, 
for i am slow and clumsy and rarely sound how i want.  
but i’m finding that the trick, as with anything, is not stopping.  
not giving up.
it doesn’t matter how slow you go 
how many hours spent struggling over a few measures
as long as the finish line is reached eventually.
and maybe, as with many things in life, we never stop learning.  
there isn’t a definitive finish line...
the little victories are won with each song learned,
but it's always building, always a process.
and loving that process is wonderful.


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