May 21, 2015

hello again, you beautiful world, you.

i have not unpacked properly for weeks, months, really.  the travel is almost full time now, a few times a week and every weekend. this and the music has become so much an ingrained part of my life i don't write through it as much. it has been good, putting physical distance between myself and problems. Although they still cling and hold, intertwined in every muscle, adventure and travel is freedom, if only for a moment.

one would think that living in the middle of the country means a nice even mix of weather and temperatures, but really all that means is we get both extremes.  if the days are not cloudy and cold, think with moisture, biting wind and the texture and drama of overhanging clouds, then they're warm and sunny, spotless blue and exploding green.

why don't i do more of the things that are better for me?  just sitting down to write or diving into music or walking around in the freshly cut spring grass, letting its raw, dewy tips tint my toes green.  its not that hard to get into, but trying to occupy my mind from remembering bad things traps it rather than setting it free.  i'm working on breathing deep and letting the fist that clenches my heart unwrap and latch on to something more worth the precious time.

it's that time of year again.  the transitioning seasons when if i'm home, my bedroom windows are never shut, open always, at least partially. it lets in all the good, easy breeze, quiet night air, early dawn bird songs, humidity for parched wood instrument friends after the drying winter furnace.  it's like getting to live outside, letting the outdoors in.

the other day i finished high school for good, so we went and ate ice cream. it's very sad but i'm also very relived. don't ask me what comes next. don't expect me to be grown up.  now i'm here and i'm happy but i'm also still very young. i have time. or maybe i don't.  but i am leaving a big part of me behind.  a part that i'll never get back.  on the heels of that thought is the amazing one of 'who will i become' and 'live happens while we're busy making plans'.

but the sun has been out.
there are still rough moments, but the sun has been out.
the sun has been out in more ways than one.

(let me be at peace with myself, help me be at peace.  let it go, let Him take control)
happy lessons - the vespers

Sweeter Gets the Journey


Shady Del Knight said...

Hi, dear Abigail! I realize this isn't the happiest period of your life for whatever reason or reasons, but I personally think it's one of the greatest. Your poetic writing touches me and so does your imaginative photography. Sometimes the best way to handle a down period is to experience it out. It might seem at times like sad thoughts and heavy emotions will haunt you forever but they won't. Moving on with your daily life, throwing yourself into your work, your music, your photography, your hobbies, your family and dear little Daisy will automatically take care of those things. You don't need to dwell on them or constantly seek solutions. Whatever you wish to present here is welcomed by me and all the rest of your friends. We love you and care about you.

Jessica Cangiano said...

You have so eloquently and exactly summed up scores of my own feelings, and outlooks, on life right now, sweet dear. What is it is about the second half of spring that seems so transitional? Is it the return of a verdant world? The sizzling temperatures that drive us outside and often onto the open road, where the potential for discovery lingers around each bend? Is refreshed clarity of mind from now being swaddled in a hundred layers (or so it feels at least) of winter garb? A bit of all those things and a million more, I reckon. Whatever it is, the call and lull of change and making strides forward is heavy now and I hope dearly that it leads to many positives - planned and unexpected alike - for both of us this year.

Many hugs & joyful weekend wishes,
♥ Jessica

Han said...

Ugh, it's so good to see this side of you again. We missed you. ♥

Amy said...

It's great that you're starting to feel better! I love all of your photos, and I totally agree, this is a wonderful time of year. It's so nice to see the sun again ♥
Amy xx

Little Moon Dragon

Hannah Batchelder said...

Oh Abigail! I'm in that confused place too. I'm making big decisions at a dizzying rate, and don't know if any of them are right. But as the song says, "Let it go, let Him take control."
Much love,


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